The example below is one of the worst examples of an employment inquiry I have ever received. You don't need to read more than the first paragraph to see where this is heading. But read it thoroughly, maybe even twice.
Is it just me or does the negative tone and desperation of this email just make you cringe? Aside from the negativity, the unnecessary sarcasm, and a few typos, it is obvious that this candidate sent this blanket inquiry to dozens of recruiters. Big time fail. I can't imagine I'm the only person who wouldn't feel comfortable putting someone who presents himself like this in front of a client.
A couple weeks ago, Stephanie Lloyd made a good point in her guest post on my blog about how candidates shouldn't come across as desperate in their job search. Career Hub also did a good piece recently called 10 Ways To Avoid Sabotaging Your Job Search By Being Desperate Godsend hd
Telling candidates not to sound desperate always raises a lot of questions, especially for those who are out of work and need a job to pay the bills. We all need to pay the bills. We may have alimony, mortgages, credit card bills, student loans, and child support - the list goes on and on. Your financial obligations are a given, so bringing it up in the job search is completely unnecessary. I get numerous inquiries each week asking for help with blatant statements about personal financial situations. Don't be that person.
Tips for writing a good employment inquiry letter:
1. Make it personal. Remind the person where you met, how you found his or her name, or who gave you the recommendation.
2. Explain why you are writing and exactly what information you would like to find out. People don't know how to help you if they don't know what you need.
3. Stay positive and cheerful. Do exactly the opposite of the example above.
4. Market an accomplishment or two. Make people want to call you.